First Breath
by Be Beautifully Beautiful
Summary: *Inspired by ABCSOAPFAN1963* His first breath took both of theirs away. (A one shot of Jake's birth) &Be Beautifully Beautiful


There's something he should be doing right then. Something he had intended to do before he made the choice to stop by her house. Something far from there. Yet his feet refused to move and his body remained planted outside of the operation room he had no right to be outside of. Not legally.

Regardless of all the choices they have made, regardless of what he should be doing in that moment, Jason Morgan stands vigil outside of that operating room, staring in at the two most important people in his life. Nothing else matters, not in that moment, not as their lives hang in the balance.

All he can think in that moment is that they have to make it. Breathe, he begs of their baby, you've got to breathe. Something inside of him tells him that if their baby starts breathing, her motherly instincts will kick in and she'll start fighting harder to survive this, to survive for them.

Tears remain frozen in his eyes as he hears the machines crying out, disturbing the stilled silence outside of the operating room, shaking him straight to his core. With each painful second that ticks on by with them in critical condition, he starts to believe that he's living his worst nightmare, watching two people he loves falling into death's hands.

Then, like a ray of sunshine through the bitter darkness of it all, the sound of their baby's cries fill the air, sending a shock wave of hope to surge through him. Daring to turn away from the small, beautiful form of their child, he turns his focus to the woman that has given their child life. Begging, pleading, for her to make it.

Fears he had long since buried come rushing to the surface, old memories practically drowning him as he stares in at her. The time her life had been threatened. The bomb in her studio. When she was kidnapped. When Zander shot her. All of those fears that he had felt during each time come back in full force, reminding him of just how badly he needed her to exist.

He doesn't care that she's with Lucky. He doesn't care that he won't be the one raising their child. Not in that moment. As the machines cry out louder than ever, all he can care about is that she survives, that she lives past this. She has to exist. She has to. There's no him if there's no her. There has to be a her.

Just as his body feels like its about to crumble down upon the floor, breaking apart in shambles, the head nurse turns to look at him, a soft smile on her lips as she nods once, giving him the sign that all would be okay. Like a gust of wind, his breath escapes him, allowing him to breathe again. They both made it...they all made it.

Long after they've closed her up and wheeled her out to recovery, Jason stands in the observation room, trying to catch his breath, to remind himself that they survived. That they're alive. No matter what happened, no matter what could have happened, they're still there. Alive.

Step by step, he removes himself from the spot he had been frozen in, a new destination in mind, a destination that he felt compelled to be in spite of the other places he was meant to be. Closer and closer he gets to her ICU room, still surprised that they let him through, Jason finds his way to her bedside, tears remaining frozen in his eyes. Terrified to shed them.

"You did great." he whispers, afraid of how his voice would sound otherwise, as he gently touches her hair. "Our baby's fine...I saw him. We, uh...we have a son."

Dropping his hand to his side, he tries to remind himself that she was past the worst of it, that as long as she's breathing everything will be fine. In spite of himself, he can still hear the echoing sounds of the machines crying out, reminding him that he could have lost her. That she could have died. That they both could have died.

"He's doing just fine." the nurse tells him as she wheels the newborn baby into the room, unknowingly sending a surge of relief through Jason. "We thought his mom would like to see him when she wakes up."

An indescribable amount of love slowly spreads through him, casting away all the bad memories, banishing the crying machines and replacing it with the beautiful sound of their son's cries as he came to life. With gentle hands, he reaches out to lift their baby out of the crib and into his arms, taking in shaky breathes as the love for their son fills him up completely.

"Hey." he whispers even softer than when he spoke to Elizabeth. "Shh, its okay, its okay."

Every inch of the little boy in his arms fascinated him to no end. For a moment his mind is taken back to Michael as he held him for the first time, never truly having believed it would feel any different, but finding that it couldn't get anymore different. Holding Michael for the first time and holding his son...its like night and day. The kind of feeling that surged through him. The instant love.

"Hi." he whispers, letting a shaky breath. "I'm...I'm your father."

As the words escaped his lips, he felt an onslaught of emotions flood through him, relishing in the moment that he's able to tell his son the truth. The rest of the world didn't have to know. The rest of the world didn't matter. Only his son. Only this moment. And in this moment he didn't want to lie. Not to his son.

Unbeknownst to him, the moment the words escaped his lips is the moment the new mother's senses start to return to her, her eyes slowly opening just as he makes the confession to the newborn baby. For a moment, she believes she's dreaming, that this wasn't real. That he didn't just confess their secret to their baby.

Slowly the world around her settles in, the godawful smell of disinfectants reach her nose, and she knows that this is real. Only in reality could that smell exist, bringing on a new reality to her, a reality that she has refused to see, that she couldn't allow herself to see before.

Staring at him, as he holds their son in his arms, all those emotions she tried so hard to bury come rushing to the surface. All the hopes of Jason taking claim to their son. The hope that he will cast away the rest of the world and do what she knows he wants to do.

For, in that moment, she realizes another truth she had tried so hard to deny. She loves him. In spite of all the reasons she shouldn't, of all the mistakes and heartache, she loves him. She's in love with him. In the depths of her heart, straight through to her soul, she's in love with him.

"Jason?" her voices comes out shaky, causing her to rub her lips together for a moment before speaking a little louder. "Jason?"

His eyes turn to her as he holds their son protectively in his arms, clearly he was torn in that moment, between wanting to give her their son and wishing she'd go back to sleep for a little longer. She could see that he didn't want to let their son go, but he does so anyway, slowly placing their son in her arms.

Both couldn't possibly put into words the emotions that flood through them in that moment. In spite of the truth, they allow themselves to relish in this moment, a moment that rightfully belonged to them as the mother and father of a newborn baby. All the love, all the hope, all the joy. Its theirs to feel and feel it they do, in abundance.

Watching as she cradles their son in her arms, he finds himself voicing things that she could see clearly with her own eyes, that their baby's okay. Though he wasn't sure if he wanted to, he lifts his gaze to meet hers, finding a look within her orbs that cause him to pause, unsure of what he should say next.

"Jason..." she whispers, glancing down at their son before meeting his eyes again.

"Yeah?" he finds himself leaning closer, unsure if he really wanted to hear what she had to say, but knowing that he had to hear it.

"I..." she takes in a shaky breath, feeling herself growing weak. "Can you put him back in his crib?"

"Um...yeah...okay." he voices, tentatively taking their son back into his arms before turning to lay him back down, leaving him with a soft kiss before turning back to Elizabeth. "Liz?"

"Yeah?" she replies, taking a deep breath in before relaxing back against the bed, feeling tired from all the strain of giving birth.

"You okay?" he questions, moving over to her bedside, seeing that she was clearly weak from the whole ordeal.

"Y-yeah." she assures, doing her best to put the smile on her face, to relieve his fears. "I'm...I'm okay."

"You should get some rest."

"Jason..." she takes hold of his hand as he's about to turn back to their son. "Wait."

"Okay." he says softly, pulling over the small stool to sit by her bed. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yes, I'm sure." she whispers, reaching out to take his hand in hers. "I just...I need you to do something for me."

"Okay." he voices, letting her know he heard her, rather unsure of whether or not he had anything left he could do for her. "Name it."

"I need you..." she takes a deep breath before meeting his eyes with a serious look. "I need you to be selfish."

"What?" he questions, finding her request confusing at best. "I don't...I don't understand."

"Be selfish." she says seriously. "All your life, you've always done the selfless thing, putting everyone's needs before your own. You need to stop."

"Liz..."

"Look at that little boy, Jason. I mean, really look at him." she insists, causing him to turn slightly to glance back at their son. "That's your son. **Your** baby! Not your brother's, not Sonny's, not Lucky's...yours."

"I know he's mine."

"Good." she says softly, watching as he turns back to look at her. "Because he needs you to be selfish. He deserves for you to be selfish."

"What are you saying to me?" Jason matches her gaze with a serious look of his own. "Are you telling me to end the lies? To take my place as his father?"

"I'm telling you that its okay." she replies. "I'm telling you that, if its what you want, its what I want, too. Its your choice, Jason."

"My choice?" he voices, a new feeling surging through him at that fact, that it wasn't her choice to make, its his.

"Your choice." she emphasizes. "And whatever you choose to do, I'll be okay with it. If you want to keep lying or if you want to tell the truth...I'll support you either way."

Before he can think of anything to say, she slips slowly into unconsciousness, leaving him to his thoughts. Of all the things for her to say to him, he had never expected her to say that, to tell him that it was his choice. For as long as they've known each other, it had always been her choice, something that was never even a question.

Taking in a deep breath, he leans over, placing a soft kiss upon her forehead, his mind clouded with all the ways his choice could take them. As all the possible outcomes fill his mind, Jason wonders how she was ever able to make a choice, finding it harder than ever to make the right one.

It wasn't just him and her, not this time, no. This time they have a beautiful baby boy and his older brother to think about. If he was supposed to be selfish, like she asked of him, that would mean that he would have to make major changes in his life to ensure their safety. To ensure that their lives were affected by his as little as possible.

Making his steps light, he makes his way over to their son, lifting him up into his arms before letting out the breath he had been holding in. As if by instinct, their son turns in his arms, snuggling deep into his leather jacket. Unbeknownst to the little boy, his need for warmth solidified the new father's choice, finding that it wasn't even a choice.

"Okay." he whispers, gently touching their son's cheek with the back of his fingers. "For you...I'll be selfish."


End file.
